Myths Parents Teach Their Children

There is no playbook for parents when it comes to raising children. Sure, there are parenting guides and books written by experts on how you should raise your children.  I won't get into my opinion about these "so called" experts because even those who have done studies on hundreds or, perhaps, even thousands of children, haven't tried to raise my child. I am not saying I have a difficult child because she isn't. But, just like every other child in this world, she is unique.

I think the idea of parenting is to try instill the same thoughts and beliefs you have into your child.  Some of this process is through teaching them what you believe, some of it comes from surrounding them with people you think hold the same beliefs you do such as at church or other social clubs, and some of it is just from you doing what you do.  Of course, children aren't stupid. They can see the hypocrisy if you say they can't smoke and you do, or if you say don't drink and you do.  Setting a good example goes a long way. It did for me with my parents.

Even when you set a good example - and I am not talking about me in this particular instance - things aren't easy. Life is not black and white. We all have to find our way, and in most ways it is a very personal and lonely journey. If everything were black and white, we would believe those life tenets everyone has heard.  Those myths our parents teach us like "Honesty is the best policy" and "Cheaters never prosper".  Nice little jingles they are, but not very factual.  Real life shows us that there are a lot of very powerful people in politics and business who lie and cheat.  More applicable tenets might be, "If you are going to lie, lie well" or "Cheaters prosper, but bad cheaters suffer consequences".

I have always been a bad liar, so honesty IS my best policy.  I was never very clever in ways that would make me a good cheater, so it would be true for me personally that I would never prosper as a cheater.  It may be that I never practiced enough to come to these conclusions. It could be that I could be a very powerful, rich person if I had focused more on lying and cheating. I guess it was my parents' examples that led me to the conclusion that I should be honest.

As a parent, though, I think when we teach these things to our children - assuming we do - we really want them to be honest with us, and not cheat on us.  A good example would be, let's say, that I caught my daughter smoking in the house.  I personally don't like the idea of my daughter smoking, but I understand teenagers are going to try things. I would much rather her try smoking and drinking, than sex and drugs. I would want her to understand that I don't approve of these things because she is not old enough to do either, at least according to U.S. laws.  But, I also understand that that first drink and that first puff is a rite of passage, usually at a time in our lives when we are trying to define ourselves. Getting caught, however, even if the cigarette is not in her hand, let's say, means manning up and having character enough to admit it. I would like to think my daughter could tell me that she was just trying it. My only point of confusion then would be as to why she couldn't find someplace a little more discrete. 

I guess if I could teach my daughter one thing about lying and cheating, it would be this:  Once you lie or cheat someone, trust is gone.  It is unlikely you will easily gain that trust back, so be very sure you are ready for that new relationship with the person you lied to or cheated.  With family, once you lose the trust, you still have the love; but with coworkers and friends, you have nothing left.

Submarine Hanoi

Without a doubt the issue of who owns the Spratly and Paracel Archipelagos in the South China Sea (East Sea) is complicated.  A quick look at the Spratly Islands Dispute gives a pretty good idea of how many nations are laying their claims.  Vietnam currently occupies 31 islands in the Spratlys alone.  But, if you take a look at Google Earth at some of these islands, you can see there are ongoing verbal disputes; many of which are clearly visible in the comments of the photos that have been geo-posted.

These disputes aren't new.  In 1974 the South Vietnamese lost a major engagement in the Paracel Archipelago and in 1988 the Socialist Republic of Vietnam lost three vessels and 64 sailors/marines.  These are just the significant engagements that have been recorded for us to see.  I have no doubt that saber rattling takes place on a regular basis within the shoals and islands of the archipelagos.

The Vietnamese have records that show a line of possession that would be hard to dispute, unless you were a much larger country with more money and might to say differently.  China has laid claim to everything in both island chains in their description of a Cow's Tongue. With reason out the window, Vietnam has turned to her friends in the U.S. and Russia, in part to mediate and also to purchase weapons.

A quick look at offensive weapons the Vietnamese are acquiring backs up the Vietnamese affirmation that they will not peacefully give up their claims to either island chain.  The Vietnamese have 20 Sukhoi SU-30 Flanker Cs, and according to reports in August have put in an order for 12 more.  They also own 14 SU-27s from earlier purchases.  It is easy to find that the purpose of these latest generation fighters is to defend their claims to the Spratlys and Paracels.  The Vietnamese have also bolstered there Navy with the purchase of new Gepard class frigates, Tarantul Corvettes, and they are making their own modern patrol boats designed specifically to take out landing crafts and troops.  Gone are the days of the SRV purchasing Yugo class subs from the Koreans (My sister once purchased a Yugo. It wasn't a submarine, but I have no doubt she would call it a piece of shit!)

Newly elected Deputy Prime Minister Pham Binh Minh, a young foreign affairs diplomat with a Western education, a lot of diplomatic experience and a good relationship with the U.S., has already made commitments to the people to protect Vietnamese sovereignty in the archipelagos.

I have seen references in Vietnamese language newspapers to preserving peace in the East Sea through strength.  These slogans are often followed by articles about the latest weapons soon to fill their arsenal, 6 Kilo-Class 636 submarines purchased and built in Russia.

VNEXPRESS.NET posted a great article on these submarines that I translated below:

Vietnam's Kilo Class Submarine Hanoi

Thursday, November 07, 2013

3:27 PM

Important milestones of submarine Hanoi

The Hanoi, the first Vietnamese kilo-class submarine, has undergone many tests with excellent results, and has been prepared to be turned over to the Vietnamese Navy.

Links:

Process of realizing 6 Vietnamese submarines.

Kilo-class submarine - invisible killer

Ordered during an official Vietnamese leadership visit to Russia at the end of 2009, Submarine Hanoi, the first in the order of six, underwent a long process from production to testing, and now is ready for the handover.

In this 28 August 2013 photo, Kilo-class type 636 submarine Hanoi is placed on the launching docks in preparation for the official christening at the Admiraltei Verfi Ship Factory, in St. Petersberg City, Northern Russia.

Submarine HQ-182 Hanoi began construction on 25 August 2010.  53 Vietnamese officers and sailors trained on the submarine for many months in Russia.  In the photo are the sailors of the submarine Hanoi at the christening.

The Hanoi is the first Kilo-class submarine of the six contracted vessels purchased from Russia to be launched.  This ship is well-known for it quiet and stealth in operations.  In the photo is the traditional ceremony before the launch.

The christening took place according to traditional etiquette and with Russian cultural activities in August last year.

The leadership at the Admiraltei Verfi Ship Factory presented the Vietnamese Navy leaders a model of the Kilo-class type 636 submarine Hanoi at the christening ceremony.

The Hanoi, anchored at the factory harbor during the completion of the tower.

Early in December 2012, the Hanoi went a sea for the first time, officially starting the factory's testing phase.  The photo is the Hanoi when preparing to depart the harbor.

From <http://vnexpress.net/tin-tuc/the-gioi/anh/nhung-dau-moc-quan-trong-cua-tau-ngam-ha-noi-2906706.html> 

Tendinitis

Without getting into whether I like Facebook or Google + more, I would like to say I try to keep up with my friends on  Facebook.  The friends I have on FB span my entire lifetime and I am able to follow their updates easily through the newsfeed.  It usually takes me at least half an hour each morning to go through the newsfeed to the point I read from the day before.  It probably isn't a healthy addiction, but in my defense, who really wants to do anything in that first half hour after waking up.

Through this routine, I see that I lead a very lucky life.  I am relatively healthy, don't go to the hospital, don't have serious relationship problems, and my only child is a relatively good child very good daughter considering she is a seventeen year old girl with all kinds of crazy thoughts swirling around in her teenage head.

As a matter of fact, my problems are so inconsequential compared to everyone else's that I find myself very reluctant to ever post anything that I consider a problem.  I feel others would make fun of me with retorts like, "I eat those problems for breakfast and go back for seconds!"

Anyway, even though I didn't post it on FB, I experienced significant pain for the last week in the form of tendinitis in my ankle.  It felt like a sprain without the obvious pop or tweak that usually happens before such pain.  It came on suddenly last Friday and I couldn't figure out why. Granted, I had just gotten over a moderately painful bout with plantar fasciitis (the inflammation of the band of tendons and muscles on the sole of the foot), but there was no reason to expect the ankle pain.

It got so bad on Wednesday night that I couldn't sleep through the pain. This is significant because I can sleep through just about anything.  The next morning, Diep made me go to the doctor.  Doctor Damian (his real name)  told me what I already knew, the tendons in my ankle are irritated and I need to take it easy on my feet for a while; ice it and take ibuprofen to ease the swelling around the tendon.  For $100 consultation, that is what I got.  That, and Diep stopped annoying me about going to the clinic.  It was worth the latter.

It took me another day to figure out why my tendons in my left ankle were hurting so.  Long story, but maybe I am too old to be doing jump shrugs. I was probably over training anyway, still trying to lose the weight I had gained over the last six months of being on the road and on vacation.

So, I feel better now that I am able to get my trivial life problem off my chest.

Plastic Surgery in Vietnam

I figure everyone knows at least one person who has had some type of plastic surgery.  I know quite a few people who have, for whatever reason, become dissatisfied with their person and opted to change their physical attributes. When it comes to people outside of immediate family (meaning my wife and daughter), I figure everyone has the right to alter their self however they see fit.  The only reason I don't feel the same way about my wife and daughter is because I feel more responsible for their safety and appearance, AND I have to look at them every day.

Plastic surgery seems to be common in Vietnam.  I know a lot of Diep's friends have traveled to Bangkok and Hong Kong to get breast augmentation, and I see a lot of women here who have had nose and eye surgery. So, I know the idea of plastic surgery is not uncommon, though some Vietnamese may be a little reticent to have it done in Vietnam. They should be!

A recent death on the table at a local cosmetology clinic brought the issue to the forefront in the minds of a lot of women in Vietnam. A young 37-year old Hanoian (who I heard weighed 49 kilos, or 108 pounds) went to the Cat Tuong Clinic in Hanoi to have liposuction, and breast enhancement using the fat sucked from her belly.  Apparently she had a reaction to the anesthetic and died on the table.  The doctor then enlisted the help of a security guard to cart her body to the Vinh Tuy Bridge and toss her into the Red River. The case is ongoing, but apparently there is a legal need for the body before authorities can charge the doctor with murder; to date, the body has not been found.

As the article states, four people have died from botched plastic surgery since 2005.  All of those botched surgeries occurred in Hanoi, but despite popular opinion, things aren't any better in Saigon.  A Vietnamese-American successfully sued a Saigon-based plastic surgeon finally getting the equivalent of USD$10,700 in compensation for damage to her health and breast beauty.  In the procedure that she underwent, she lost her right nipple to infection.  This, to a person who appreciated her mammary-assets so much that she had already had three breast surgeries prior to this one.

I imagine the most common cosmetic surgery in Vietnam is to the nose.  Most Vietnamese aren't satisfied with their nose, they long for a high bridge… this I understand, seeing my own wife trying to find a pair of sunglasses that stay on her nose.  I remember one particularly attractive Vietnamese-American who had a nose bridge put in while I was in the U.S.  An infection followed and she was forced to have the bridge taken out, leaving a horrible scar. I wonder if there was any regret. Probably the second most common surgery is to the eyes, to cut the flap of skin over the eye to have it lay against the eye. I really don't get this one at all. What I find most peculiar about these two procedures, is the button nose and "squinty" eyes are usually pretty cute, and very characteristic of the Vietnamese race.  Characteristic of women who are known for their beauty and grace throughout the world.

I have nothing against tattoos in general, but I hate to see a woman who has tattooed her eyebrows black or lips red. That is one that I have no tolerance for in my immediate family. Apparently, this procedure saves time putting on make-up in the morning. My advice, either take the time and do it right, or just don't put on make-up in the first place.  You look fine, believe me!  I imagine the best deterrence to these tattoos is to point out every older woman who has had these tattoos for a decade or two.

I know at least two men who have had liposuction.  I thought about that, for about two seconds. I was told it is a painful procedure, and if those two guys can be taken as examples, I can see it is only temporary without a change in lifestyle.  As long as I can work out and diet,I will just keep trying the old fashioned way.

It seems to me the women who need cosmetic surgery the least in Vietnam are the ones who get it the most.  My best advice to any woman looking to get cosmetic surgery who isn't deformed or tragically mutilated in a motorbike accident is, JUST SAY NO!