Saturday, June 4, 2016

Setbacks, Confusion, Reevaluation... Life Goes On.

I have been gone for a while. Not because I lost my urge to write or because I have fallen into some deep, dark depression that I can't climb my way out of, but because there are times that I feel it is better to keep my thoughts to myself.

In the last six months or so, I have suffered - or rather, experienced - some setbacks. In the interest of full disclosure, I had begun the process of becoming a Foreign Service Officer - a diplomat - for the Department of State.  I made it all the way through the process, to the very last step, but didn't pass the Foreign Service Officer Assessment (the interview stage).  The fact is, I didn't prepare well enough and I wasn't ready for the all day, intensive process. Lesson learned.  I was a little bummed about the outcome, though it was no surprise to me in retrospect. I let life get in the way of preparation and the natural order of events just took over.  Since the setback, I have spent some time re-evaluating what will happen to me at the end of my tour here in Vietnam, scheduled for the latter part of this year.  I have some plans in the hopper, and I am not placing all of my hopes in any one position or location. I will keep it close hold for now, so as not to jinx myself, but I have faith that things will work out.

I recently returned from a work related trip in the border areas of central Vietnam. I took my Olympus with me and captured some photos that I was pleased with. I had lost interest in taking photos for a while, whether for lack of opportunity of being otherwise engaged, so it was good to feel interested in the hobby again.
Asking Blessings from Heaven and Earth

I particularly liked this photo I took in Tan Trach Village, Bo Trach District, Quang Binh Province. The local ethnic minority of this region is the Van Kieu (Bru).  I like to think they are named "People of the Clouds" because of the morning fog common in this mountainous area. They slash and burn in their cultivation methods, meaning they will clear a piece of land, plant it for a couple of seasons and leave the land to renourish itself.  This "altar" was placed to ask blessings from Heaven and Earth (Cung Troi Dat).  It is a simple and understandable concept that they would look to God, Fortune, Fate, or a Higher Power to find favor with them considering the hand to mouth existance they live. A bad storm or arid year could mean the difference between life and death for these people.  This primitive fact of life for these locals puts my life in perspective for me and is a reminder of how blessed I am to be in this position that I sit.

I am not sure how much I will be posting on this blog at this point in my life. I may be enjoying my last days here in Vietnam too much to sit down and gather my thoughts.  We'll see.

Friday, January 8, 2016

I'll Stay for a Box of Dental Floss

What in the hell does that mean?! I will stay for a box of dental floss?  This is going to be a little embarrassing because I like to think of myself as fairly hygienic, dentally.  I brush my teeth twice a day, every day, at least. And, I try to floss my teeth every night, though there are things that get in the way of that from time to time. I know I am supposed to floss every night, but it was never anything that Mom stressed when I was growing up, so it didn't become much of  a habit then. I now figure if I can get a floss in at night just before I go to bed, there won't be much of a reason to floss in the morning as long as I brush my teeth and use mouthwash. I am sure I could be wrong, but we all make our own choices.

Just before I got to Vietnam over 13 years ago, I bought a box of J&J waxed, mint dental floss. I liked the type of floss... it wasn't tape and it wasn't the floss that is lots of little strands "roped" together. It was the type of floss I remembered as a kid, but for whatever reason seems so hard to find these days.  I have since purchased several other boxes of dental tape and floss in the search for that perfect floss, to no avail. The other flosses I use in my on-the-road bag, and at work; I even have another box near the bathroom sink, and a box under the sink just in case I run out.  But, my go to dental floss is that box that I bought over 13 years ago.
My 13 year old dental floss

I believed this dental floss was magical. That it was a never ending spool of floss.  It amazed me that year after year it never ran out.  The box isn't one of the square boxes, but rather a somewhat elongated box. I have had it so long that the writing on it has faded or even rubbed completely off in places, and I have even had to rescue it from falling apart when I pulled too hard on the floss. It wasn't easy getting the spool back in just right (you may know what I mean if you have ever had the top come off of one of those things).

Anyway, I thought the floss would last forever, and that I would stay here forever in Vietnam, as well. It amazes me that at the same time I have decided my work here in Vietnam is enough that I ran out of floss.  It is like the floss knew it was time for me to go and finally gave out its last measure. I still won't be leaving real soon because the process isn't fast, but I have made the decision. It is inevitable.  It isn't so sad as it is scary. Even in my imperfect world where I seem to be over anxious to complain about, I am scared of leaving because at least I know what to expect here.  I am comfortable. Actually, being comfortable for me is worse than being scared. I like to be challenged, and I really am not so much anymore.

I knew the dental floss was about to spool out for the last few days, but I couldn't rush it. I couldn't pull out more than I really needed to make it happen. I guess my stay here in Vietnam was the same way. I knew I was about ready to go.  Once my daughter returned to the U.S. to attend university over a year ago, there was no real incentive for staying.  I just didn't want to pull more than I really needed.

So, I have a plan.  Actually, I have a plan A, B, and C. A lot can happen between now and September (the end of my extension here), but I have to have faith that I will leave and that there is something better for me where I am going.